life just keeps throwing me curves--i don't know how many swerves i can take before i end up in a serious car crash; but, i am stronger now than i have ever been. i am far away from the world that i used to live in, the world that i struggled to survive in. i am leaving that life behind me and i am starting a new one and this time i'm holding on to God's hand. he's been offering it to me for such a long time and i've been too stubborn to take it. well, i'm sick of living my own life. this time, im not doing it alone. i know that i will never know for sure what's in store for me. the future is not in my control. i constantly try to run my own life and make it appear like i have control, but i dont. now that i can admit that, i feel like things are going to change for me. they might not go the way i'd planned, but they will go the way God plans and God will not fail me. i may fail me, others may fail me, but God will never leave me.
i'm still praying that God will bring jan and i back together. i'm praying that everything that has happened will open our eyes to this new reality and that we can fight through this. some things have to change, and i hope there are other things that can "stay" the same.