God--alstublieft, blijf met mij. I need you more than anything in the world and more than anything in the world, you make me feel like I can go on. Sometimes you have to suffer for the things that you do... and I am suffering. I still do not know what to expect, but I can say one thing, what happens next happens for a reason. What I did to Jan and to myself was foolish and wrong. Now, I must see things without dreamy eyes and let it be as it should be. Now, I will write to him and let him know everything. Now... NOW I will let it be.